The Problem with Ambition

I've been thinking a lot about the problem with ambition.

Let's be honest: having ambitions for our creative work can be painful.

You might have big goals for your art — maybe you want to have a solo museum show. Maybe you want to make a feature-length film. Maybe you want your play on broadway or you want to sing for a stadium full of people.

There's nothing wrong with ambition. Anyone who knows me would describe me as an ambitious person. But I think as Americans (hello, Americans) we overvalue ambition. To Americans, being ambitious means being determined and focused. It means being willing to do whatever it takes to make your dreams happen.

It means you're willing to work your ass off,
network your ass off,
strategize your ass off,
sell your ass off,
spend your ass off,
until you make that big dream come true.

Usually this makes us feel like we're never doing enough. Our ambitions can make us feel like we don't have the right resources, connections, funding, or experience to reach our biggest goals. Our ambitions can make us feel like things are out of our control.

So what often ends up happening?

We strive harder.
We engage in shitty self-talk.
We get jealous.
We feel defeated.
We burn out.
And we quit.

Well this is a shitty, shitty model.

Outside of it being unsustainable and driven by other people's ideas of success (which you likely already know), it forgets something important:

You need to have small ambitions for your work before you can have big ambitions for your work.

If you're struggling with your relationship to ambition, I want to offer you an exercise:

Think about your greatest ambition for your art. For me, this might be wining the Rome Prize. This is a very ambitious goal. The Rome Prize is a prestigious year-long funded residency in Italy. I would be lucky to win this in my lifetime. Sometimes I daydream about this opportunity and it feels like I'm drooling ... It would be..... le dream.

But it can also be painful to think about.

Because in having big ambitions we can also have big disappointments.
We can feel like we're not meeting our very high expectations for ourselves and for our work.

If you're experiencing this right now, I want you to think of a creative goal and consider:

1. Why is this something I want?
2. What would this experience offer me?
3. How can I create that experience now, without the barrier for entry?

The idea here is to get in touch with WHY we want something.

Do we want it just for the status?
Do we want it to feel like we've "made it?"
Or do we want it because it would fulfill some deep creative need? What is that creative need exactly and can we create a similarly fulfilling experience today with the resources we have available?

This is your "little ambition."

Your little ambition is a short film vs. a feature-length film.
Your little ambition is a studio visit vs. a museum show.
Your little ambition is a play staged in your backyard vs. on broadway.

You don't need to stop having big goals, but small goals are important. They remind you why you do the work and they help you find the path for that work in the world.

Remember: you set the terms of your ambition. If your current terms are leading you to quitting, then those terms need to change. Because the most important thing is to keep making your work.

If you don't make your work, you can't grow your work.


So what's your little ambition? Start here.