How to prepare for a radical change.
Mother and Child, Ink and mixed media on paper, 18" X 24," 2021.
This month I'm preparing for a big 'ol transition.
If you couldn't tell from all these freaky drawings of mothers and babies, I'm having a kid. My sweet little bundle is arriving next month. I'm very excited and let's be honest, kind of freaking out. :)
I'm in a strange moment in time—the moment right before you become a parent. Naturally, I have a lot of thoughts flying around. What's parenting going to be like? Will I lose myself in this experience? How will I make parenting work with my art practice and school? Traveling? Showering? Will I ever do these things again??
My energy, time, and space are all going to change this summer. And while I can buy all the baby stuff in the world and google shit until my eyes implode, there is little I can do to truly prepare for a change of this magnitude. I need to surrender to the fact that this summer, my life will look radically different than it did before.
So, how do you surrender to a moment of radical change without feeling completely unhinged? Without losing yourself in the process?
Great question! Got any ideas??? Jklol.*
I say this with a lot of self-compassion—I'm doing a shit job at surrendering. Most days, I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, preparing for my maternity leave. At 4pm you can usually find me passed out in front of the TV with a sandwich in my hand. At which point, either my cat or my partner will find me and finish the sandwich.
I still have a lot to learn in the surrender department, but here are some things that are keeping me grounded during this mega moment of change:
1. Doing Morning Pages. I can't tell you how many times morning pages have saved me. I don't have the energy to be in the studio right now, but I can take 10 minutes each day to write stream-of-consciousness. This practice has helped me stay connected to myself and reminds me I'm still "in there" on days when I feel lost and overwhelmed.
2. Making life smaller. This has meant making fewer commitments. It's meant putting energy into my closest relationships and most important projects, but that's it. I've had to put things aside and lower my expectations of the work I might produce in this moment. Preparing for a transition takes energy. If you're overcommitted that energy will be dispersed and you will feel ineffective.
3. Paying attention to my bod. It needs to eat, sleep, rest, and move. Holy shit did pregnancy hammer this lesson home (see: story above with cat and sandwich). There have been days where I've fallen asleep mid sentence because my kid was literally sucking the energy out of me, bless his little heart. Your body generally tells you what it needs. You just gotta listen and listen hardddd.
4. Asking for help. I've tapped into my community hardcore these last few months. Mom-friends, artist-friends, my AMP team, my partner, my family. It's hard to ask for help, but a sense of connection increases our sense of security. When you have a big change coming, remembering your relational resources is critical. Your people remind you what you're capable of and help you feel more certain about the uncertain.
Also ... painting my bathroom ... I did that this week and it was life-changing. Highly recommend.
* I'd love your thoughts on what helps you surrender. Have you been preparing for a radical change? What's helped you? You can share your thoughts with me here.
Labor (black mass), 22" X 30" 2021
About these drawings
I've shared a lot of images here recently. I thought it was time to talk about them.
My work from the last two years has centered primarily around motherhood. I started making this work when I was considering becoming a parent, and continued making it through the course of my pregnancy. During that time my drawings changed. As the idea of motherhood became less abstract and more physical (i.e. when I was actually carrying a child) the drawings shifted—they became more dark, animate, and wild.
I gotta say, this is where art-making is so fucking life-saving. Making these drawings helped me better understand my anxieties around becoming a mother and the transformation (both of body and spirit) that comes with it. It was through copying and re-imagining various depictions of motherhood that I began to find my own definitions. I came to terms with the complexity of such an experience and felt more excited about it as the next adventure. I'm looking forward to seeing how my drawings evolve once this kid arrives.
You can read more about this work and the images shaping my practice here.
Thanks for taking a look.
Labor, 22" X 30" mixed media on paper, 2021.
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